You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want a musical about memes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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