escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize