i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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