You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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