My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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