Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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