dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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