You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
