Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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