so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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