i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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