I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
where are my pants?
in the oven.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize