I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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