Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
