Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
