Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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