Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
