and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize