just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
