I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
