Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
