nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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