He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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