Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
