Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
