New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
