Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
