I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
