Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
