She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize