dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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