Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Damn victory sex feels great
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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