On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
