I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
