I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
