tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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