Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
