after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize