She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
