A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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