I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
