This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just gargled with NyQuil
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
