somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
