we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize