About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When are your genitals available?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
