he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
