Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
