Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
