just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
