I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
