ugly people sure do ruin things
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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