we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
