Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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