and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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