and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
