i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
