what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
time to smoke my breakfast
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
