dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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