i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no, he came in my armpit
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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