I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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