the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I party with great urgency now.
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