why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
