She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
