if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize