I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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