Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
