I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
