I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
